Monday, March 3, 2008

Feeling good in the future.

One of the best mottos:

Doing Good to Do Well…

Here at Future Unincorporated, we feel a lot of
Corporate Social Responsibility.
It feels good. Future Unincorporated wants to put the

corporate back in spiritual practices.

Corporations now successfully consider the interests of society by taking responsibility for the impact of their activities on customers, employees, shareholders, communities
and the environment in all aspects of their operations. However, we think that spiritual centers, holy individuals, and green organizations could channel their bounty more effectively.

The new corporate idealism

is most lucrative when it is synthesized from an essential truth. When revenue equals cost, one can maximize their assets to achieve supernormal profit. This natural sense of value comes from a sustainable inflation from a steady markup. When an entity can dissolve the fear involved with admitting the universal law of profit in all things, they can truly support the

sacred divine that exists in the chain of command.

The obligation of corporations extends beyond the statutory obligation to comply with legislation. Today we see organizations voluntarily taking further steps to improve the quality of life for employees and their families as well as for the local community and society at large.

Recent Events that have Passed On.

THIS HAPPENED
Saturday, Feb 2, 8p (doors) to 4a
Jivamukti Yoga School
841 Broadway, 2nd Fl. (between 13th & 14th St. at Union Square)
$15 advance tickets, $20 door

Approximately one month ago, Future Unincorporated participated in its very first event as a Deep NY Non-profit. In collaboration with Reality Sandwich, an internet magazine spearheaded by Daniel Pinchbeck, we presented a well lit cubicle to illuminate Jivamukti during an event called 'Evolver: Wake Up and Dream'.

For the Evolver event, we introduced:
Bureaucratic Bounty: produces a general sense of confusion composed of a series of specific awkward tasks all heavily laden in rules and poorly described expectations.

The Enlightened Cubicle: fearlessly shines fluorescent light onto our clients eyes in a very dark and murky atmosphere.

Complimentary Consultations:
begin with a client interview with a member of management. We discuss quality of life, which we document and judge based on our own sense of the corporate value scale.

Personal Potential Power Profile:
We judge each client to determine their relationship to corporate spiritual powerfulness.

Intention Projection: is a system of projecting the overhead of the clients’ wishes and needs onto the wall and into public view, pushing desires into the atmosphere and into the awareness of strangers. We believe this creates a better success to failure ratio.

Party Financial Analysis:
is an entrance poll of the expected income of the attendees for the coming week. The progress of the survey is charted on a graph and projected for public view.

Poll of the Future: requires clients to cast their vote for what will inevitably befall them. They choose to elect a specific prediction, desire, or fear.

Infinite Certainty Compost:
Voters cast their ballots into our patented ballot shredding machine, clearing the bad karma away for the next fiscal cycle.

NY State Prescription Planning:
When we can see a client needs something extra to extend or build their functionality…

Responsible Distribution of Paperwork:
We distribute informational pamphlets, cards, prescriptions, and more- but only to people who are interested, or if they promised to recycle it.

New York Office OPEN FOR BUSINESS


Time moves forward, and so do we.
Today is the first day of official office hours at our new prime location in Brooklyn, NY.
We will be taking appointments for consultations from
9am to 1pm est
in our NY bureau office.

Since we have been on the road, the mobile office has gone through a lot of changes. We are making sacrifices to do what is best for the corporation. In NYC being incorporated requires a different level of competition and offensive marketing strategies.

We have been meeting with professionals to update our business plan to better suit
YOU, OUR PRIMARY CUSTOMER and reason for being,
and to keep our head above the high tides.

We are planning a public presentation of our business plan followed by a discussion in coming weeks. Seats are limited so please show your interest with a raise of virtual hands.
Just as in Finland, you can expect the best that Consulting has to offer. Our goal is the same, to give and take advice. We offer a plethora of services that will extend or build the functionality of our clients to meet the unique requirements of everyday.

Feel free to print out our new handbill above to read about our new products, and feel free to distribute them to your friends, loved ones, and strangers (we charge if you would like to make some door to door deliveries).

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Satellite Offices


We now have satellite offices in several locations, and they will continue to operate during office hours. We are expanding as an unincorporated entity every day. By next week we might have offices on three continents:

Europe

(Haukivuori, Finland): Stand-in top dog consultant Marja DeJong

Asia

(Kyoto, Japan): Permanent Executive Powerful Adminstrator Miyuki Kido

North America

(Brooklyn, NY): Future Manager, Dr. CAThornton, BFA

A big warm 'thank you!' goes out to all the staff that is keeping the Future Unincorporated alive! Your belief in the power of the infinite fiscal calendar is what gives us the will to go on.

Plans for Tomorrow Already Happened

It seems like just yesterday we were planning for the future,
which we decided would take place in NYC. In case you missed the news,

Future Unincorporated has relocated to New York City
.

After months of preparation and worry, we made our big jump. Without skipping a beat,
the future has been happening for four weeks already.

Not to worry, we are still very concerned about Finland, but from the control center of the world, we feel like we are in the center of everything. In fact, we can worry about the futures of many different countries and people that exist outside of NYC, because now everything else seems fictitious.

Our classifications and analysis of former clients is now much simpler because they now seem like characters from a fairytale. It makes our consultations and predictions much simpler if we are just working with the idea of people rather than real ones.

We are now ready to present the rest of our research from our extended business trip to Haukivuori, Finland. Please be patient as we take our time to present you with our strategic analysis of what is going to happen based on what already did.



We are so open for business. Make an appointment with a consultant for a report on your status.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Mark today in your calendar as a very important day to remember in the Future!!!

Today was a great day for our understanding of the Future. As previously advertised, it was an Official Open House at the Office.

Due to yesterday's wonderful beautiful snowfall (the weather has been worse than glum for weeks), the general spirit of the staff was lifted, and business proceeded at a happy skipping pace.

Last night (Saturday) we installed a sign at the local gas station to draw locals to the office for the open house. We didn't expect anyone to come, but we thought it was a good gesture.

On the walk back from the gas station, the advertising department had a great idea: we could make invitations for consultations and tie them to the doorknobs of all the neighbors. So like a goodwilled swat team in the night, at midnight we divided and delivered invitations everywhere we passed on our one hour neighbor search. We didn't forget the forest people and gypsies in the forest either- we hung invitations on the trees at eye level.

This morning we began by preparing the office for openness. We packed our usual box with the usual tea and safety lamp, but because today was a special day, we also packed a few pieces of cake. In the future, we think people will need to eat less cake, but we decided to serve it anyway just to lure the locals.

The lure of the cake didn't really work, and neither did the advertising campaign or the invitations. However, the snow blew in a local man named Lucien, and by chance he had time for an interview. Details on the consultation to come.

It was clear that he really appreciated the cake. The expensive humidification system in the office caused his glasses to fog up a little, but he continued the interview with blind perseverance. Thank you Lucien!

After that meeting, before darkness ended the possibility of visitors, the entire staff from the Future decided that we needed to approach our consultations differently. With more spirit, more action, more CORNERING.

Like a used Bible Sales staff, this Sunday we began to go door to door to offer at home consultations. We began with a neighbor, Rauni, who is the village's General Physician. She invited us in for a home visit/ consultation.

Before it was dark, we departed for Ana's house where we demanded an interview also. She is the art teacher at all the local schools in the village.

We will give a profile of all three interviews in the days to come.

The final news of the day comes to us from the administrative desk... There has been a promotion! We would like to announce that Miyuki Kido, previously a part time secretary for The Future Unincorporated, has been elevated to the title of

Permanent Executive Presidential Secretary.
Congratulations Miyuki, and thanks for all your hard work!

Friday, January 18, 2008

Office Policies for Tomorrow

As we approach the end of the Finnish office, we just want to remind our clients of a few things.
1. Tardiness rushes our conversation about the future.
2. Cancellations stop time from happening in the office.

We will forgive all cancellations and tardy clients up until this point. We prepare tirelessly for all our meetings, and an abrupt change of plans complicates our schedule and keeps us from serving our other customers with the same grace and preparation that we aim to give to each individual. Thank you for understanding.
Please come to our office party next Tuesday.